“Our generation wants the pictures and status updates of being in a relationship – nobody wants the actual relationship.”
It’s a quote that a dear friend of mine said to me in a conversation surrounding this very topic. It seems as if falling in love with your best friend is now being viewed as a Disney story as opposed to reality. In fact, when I say that I want to marry by best friend, I get shit for it as if I am looking for a relationship that does not exist when I strongly feel this is how relationships should be. In fact, I know that it can happen for me again because I’ve been in a relationship with my best friend before.
A lot of weight is placed on the visuals and on sex in a relationship now. I often wonder if the happiness ends after people press ‘send’. Social media has become the gateway for people to brag on all – if not most – of their life happenings… Like some people post everything. But what about those important intimacies other than sex and physical connections?
These two things will draw you to someone upon first meeting them, sure. But what happens when those things fade with time? Will you be able to sit with that person and just enjoy their presence? Will you be able to talk to that person about your past and not be judged for it? Do you have the confidence that by opening up to them and telling them your innermost thoughts and experiences (no matter how embarrassing or painful they may be) that they will not throw these in your face as a way for them to hurt you in a debate?
Can you trust that the things that you share with that person will remain with that person? Do they have your back without you asking them to? Do you have theirs’?
Have you taken the time to learn yourself so that you can be an amazing man or woman for this person? Have you stepped out of lust and attempted to learn them so that you can properly cater to their desires and needs without them having to ask you to?
Personally, while dating, I ask myself: Can I honestly count on this person to guide me, while not controlling me? Can I trust that he will do everything to ensure that I am not hurting (protect me)? Can this man hear my suggestions and at least take them into consideration when making decisions for our household (listen to me)? Has he proven that he can be fully trusted (consistency)?
Will our communication and moves be that of two people who have each others’ best interest at heart as opposed to our own selfish desires? If I am hungry / tired, is he? How can I help him relax or get done what he needs to get done? Will he think of me and attempt to help me as I do him?
In my single gal opinion, these things are so imperative for a successful relationship. I have many friends that are married or in long-term relationships (10+ years) and when I ask them how they have remained happy for so long, the answer is always, “He / She is my best friend.”
I think that is what is missing from the mindset of many people today. Between what society highlights as sexy or beautiful to the cross functions or misinterpretations of gender roles, the seed of confusion on what a relationship really means, and is, has been planted and is constantly being watered.
While I am personally a quiet dater and do not see the benefit of bragging on someone bringing me excitement until we are planning long-term / life together, I also don’t boast of being a single woman – it just is not my personal brand or style, but it is something else that I have seen more often than not.
So many posts, conversations, and updates yelling #TeamSingle so often that onlookers wonder if the poster is genuinely happy about being single, if they are trying to convince themselves & others of being happy, or if there is an ulterior motive to get chosen.
To be continued…
**More of this random thought article will be published soon.**
By the way, big thanks to Getty Images for the imagery. Thanks to my friends for sparking this thought in my mind over tequila this past weekend… Love you, guys!
I love that you read my random thoughts today! Thank you so much for taking the time out to do so. Please share the fun with your social network of friends & add my blog to your email updates.
For more fun and random thoughts from me, let’s socialize on all social media sites @LeanaShenise!