She stared at the message with tears filling her eyes and a heart overwhelmed in rage. In English, it read, “I lied. I’ve had a girlfriend this entire time. We are moving in together in a few months because she’s pregnant. I’ve always said if I have a child again that would be it for me. I’m sorry about this.” All she took from it was, “I hurt you because I could.”
In a state of confusion, she kept reading it over and over again… ensuring that these words were actually from him.
“How could he do this to me now? How could he lie to me… after everything? He promised he would never hurt me again. He begged me to let him prove that he would not hurt me.”
Just two days before they had raw, uncut, and intense sessions of passion. He told her as he looked into her eyes, “I love you so much.” They were to be married… he had even memorized the ring she fell in love with. “How could it all have been a lie?” The truth was that it was all a lie and she felt she was dumb enough to believe in it… believe in him… believe that he was, as he once said, her knight… and in that moment, she realized that her desire became her downfall. For she was ready to give her entirety to him and exist in forever as his Mrs.
She had been through many heart breaks before, but for some reason this one was different. This took her entire soul away from her and she didn’t understand why or even know what to do in order to heal. Life has proven to her that she was, after all, resilient. Time had proved that his pattern of willfully hurting her hadn’t changed, regardless of him being the one who built her up when she was at what could have been the end of her rope.
The history they had built was rocky. But the intense love that they had for each other was more than evident. She was his Belle and he was her beast. It’s actually uncanny how their story resembled the Disney story of Beauty and the Beast. Beauty was in trouble, the beast saves the beauty, the beauty opens a piece of the beast’s heart he had closed, and they become friends… and then more than friends… then more than lovers. Something so deep that they could feel each other no matter how far away they were.
Fear of hurt on both ends brutally tore them apart. His vice was to be callous and push people away. Hers was simply to run. In their vices, there was no communication, no understanding, no actual emotional trust. And so they continued on their paths, regardless of their desires to stand together and fully accept the connection that had very quickly formed, thus hurting each other over and over.
This time was different. She released her fears and admitted many deep thoughts to him… things, she admitted, he should have heard much earlier. He acted in a way that let her know that it wasn’t too late for her to have her beast back in her life.
She now sits, feeling what it must feel like to be stuck in the sunken place, staring at the message she received. “I lied. I’ve had a girlfriend this entire time. We are moving in together in a few months because she’s pregnant.” She found strength to reply with a simple, “I can’t believe you did this to me. Goodbye.” And in true futuristic fashion, through messages, it was over.
In physics, it is said that energy never is created, nor does it die. It can only be converted from one form to another. Would she have to rebuild her emotions now that she had fought so hard to be able to trust him, yet he consciously betrayed her on a level worse than any other? Would she be one of those hurt people who hurt people now? Would she turn into a bitter woman who could never again fully trust a man who seemingly had all the signs of good intentions? Would she unconsciously live in the fear of being betrayed forever? He was no longer her beast. Even if she could have him, she wouldn’t want him back. He was a selfish lie. Now this was her beast… now the deep pains of betrayal that she had to overcome alone was what she had to push through in order to see life in a different light.
“You’ve been here alone before. It gets better.” And when she said the affirmation, over time, she knew she would believe it and it would come to be.
As life so often shows us, it will heal… it will get better.
PS: Be kind. You never know what anyone is going through behind closed doors.
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